#trader jack

[sculkapologist]

ive just been meditating a lot lately on the actual scale of minecraft blocks compared to the player....... theyre big actually. everything's big.

[themintman]

ough more zombie Nurm for y'all.. fun little outfit for his adventures hehe 😋😋

[maeinthekinning]

Whether it keeps live action or becomes animated.

Jack black would be a much better wandering trader then steve for minecraft.

Just popping up randomly and being like, wanna trade for some moss? Maybe some blue ice? Maybe a cherry sapling? Or how bout brown dye?

...or maybe they should add weird al as the wandering trafer

[burnt-scone]

Brands so far that DON'T support Israel

(Will add/remove as I know)

Food

Raising Canes

Smoothie King

Trader Joes

Faygo (National Beverage Corporation)

Twinings (Associated British Foods)

La Croix (National Beverage Corporation)

Ovaltine(Associated British Foods) didn't know it was British ngl

Jack In The Box

In-N-Out

Ben & Jerry's

Panda Express

Target (Allegedly, if you buy Starbucks there's, not cups & and merch, but just drinks the money stays with Target and doesn't support SBux? But I'm still making my own drinks.)

Barcel (Takis and such) Have Kosher/Halal options but that also depends on the location of production. Some products and facilities do use Lard (pork)

Hygiene & Beauty & Aesthetic

MamaSia (Organic Beauty products out of Ghana)

MZ Skin (more lab science based skin products, people suggest their retinol formula)

ANZ Clothing (inspired by traditional knit wear of England)

Huda Beauty (Iraqi/American Founder, Huda Kattan has been very outspoken on her wish for Palestines freedom)

Tuesday in Love (Halal nail polish brand originally, they now sell other beauty products and Hijabs)

Comfee (minimalist and comfy garments)

PaliRoots (A Palestinian brand whose goal is to bring awareness to Palestinian culture and heritage)

Lyra Swimwear (modest and fashionable swimwear)

Lush (Y'all probably know Lush, well known for ethical practices and charity work)

Reemami (Palestinian fashion brand inspired by UAE-Fashion)

NURNEI (Palestinian traditional Jewelry)

Meera Adnan (textile brand that helps to bring pride to Palestinian traditional fashion)

Zaid Farouki (Celebrates Palestinian culture and fashion)

(I made this because I also needed this list, I want to know what I can eat)

This website is great for when shopping, search a brand, and it'll tell you if they support or don't support Israel

Removed :

Krispy Kreme (Even though they allowed UCLA to raise money for Palestine. Their owners run the Alfred Landecker Foundation, a zionist foundation spreading misinformation.

Edit Dec 11

[carcarrot]

oh my god caramel popcorn..... have you guys heard of this

[cc-cuttlefishculler]

i cant wait to get my license so i can drive places myself and listen to music and stuff

[gaypiratepropaganda]

gay pirate glossary

articles- ship's articles. the papers you sign to join a crew. different ships have different rules. pirates got to make up their own.

bosun- boatswain. in charge of things that happen on deck. pretty sure there's supposed to be an apostrophe in there somewhere (bo'sun? bo's'n?)

bosun's chair- the swing thing for working on the side of the ship or bringing breakfast up to your co-captain.

bow- front of the ship.

bridge- the higher deck on top of the cabin? where you steer the ship from. only certain people are supposed to go up there, usually.

brig- the jail place below deck where you keep people who are annoying you.

captain- you know this one for sure, but pirate captains were a bit different than other captains. since they weren’t backed by any kind of government and could be mutinied or voted out at any time, they had to earn their crew’s respect. they needed the crew to see them as an equal, but still an authority on certain things. sometimes there was no captain, or they took turns.

doldrums- when the wind isn’t blowing for a while and everyone kind of loses their minds

flogging- punishment used on sailors in which a person is tied up and whipped a certain amount of times, depending on their transgression (30 lashes, 40 lashes, etc). It could get pretty bad, people died from it. allegedly you could volunteer to whip your friends so that it wouldn’t hurt as bad. people say this is where the phrase "I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine" comes from, but that doesn't seem true

galley- the kitchen on a boat. sometimes doubles as the infirmary.

grog- daily rations of rum, mashed fruit, sketchy water, and sugar mixed into a delicious punch.

gun- the thing that shoots cannonballs.

hardtack- hard sad little crackerbreads that keep well but are very bland. sometimes there were bonus bugs in (extra protein!)

head- the toilet. it’s basically a board with a hole in it at the front of the ship. it goes straight into the ocean.

keelhauling- tying someone to the end of a rope and dropping them off the front of a ship so that they’re dragged under it and they drown or their skin gets ripped up by barnacles. fun.

(note: pirates didn’t usually use torture methods like keelhauling or flogging, especially not on their own crewmates. that was the navy and the merchant ships. a lot of people started out on those, mutinied because of the harsh conditions, stole the ship they were on, and became pirates. if a pirate captain tried that shit, they would not be captain for very long.)

kohl- black eyeliner made by the indigenous people of africa, india, and the middle east. i think it was invented in egypt? if pirates wore it, then tragically no one wrote about it. but it’s part of the lore at this point and it’s pretty. just accept it.

letter of marque- papers that prove someone is a privateer.

matelot- pirate husband. there was a matelotage ceremony, papers to sign, and a party afterward. a mate served as, like, next of kin. they made decisions if the other couldn’t, shared quarters and possessions, all that. some people insist it was only a financial arrangement, and maybe sometimes it was. but so were straight marriages, especially at the time.

port- left when you’re facing front (like stage left)

press-ganged/shanghaied- being drugged, stolen, and sold to work on a ship involuntarily. the recruiters just had to forge your signature and then you were stuck. some people became pirates to escape. it’s press-ganging when the navy does it, shanghaiing for the merchants.

privateer- like a pirate, but authorized by the state. they were allowed to kill and steal but only enemies of the crown and they had to give everything to the king. it was a good way to get a pardon and avoid being hanged. privateers often went right back to being pirates at the first opportunity.

quartermaster- first mate, also elected by the crew.

raid- when you go on another ship and take their things. pirates weren’t really out there stealing fabulous treasure or anything. It was more basic necessities like food, water, medical supplies, clothes, dishes, money, sugar, spices, and anything of value they could find to sell. they tried to be as scary as possible so that people would surrender and they wouldn’t have to kill anyone unnecessarily. if you could get them to join your crew, even better.

rigging- all the ropes. you can climb around on them.

round robin- when you sign your names in a circle so that no one gets singled out for signing first. used in the navy.

salty- of or related to the sea, experienced as a sailor

sextant- that thing you use to measure the stars so you know where you are at sea. i think you can also use your hand somehow? i don't understand it.

shanties- those songs sailors sing. you know the ones. they were work songs, to get everybody in the same rhythm, but they were also for entertainment. there’s a lot of downtime on a sailing ship. my favorite thing is that when singing a song from the perspective of, for example, a woman waiting for her bonny lad to come back from the sea, they would sing in their man voices without changing the words.

shares- an equal cut of the loot. some people might get a share or half share more or less than other crewmembers. sometimes the captain was the one who got less? this was decided by vote. it’s like a non-profit stealing co-op.

starboard- right when you’re facing front (like stage right)

stern- back of the ship.

watch- everyone took shifts staying up to watch for other ships and make sure they stayed on course.

yardarm- the horizontal thing that the sails are on. yardies!

some basic pirate terms for you in case you need them. I did not do any research, this is 100% organic vibes-based pirate lore in honor of our boy david. i have read a lot about pirates over the years, though. fiction, nonfiction, and primary sources. these are just the fun bits that live in my brain <3

[aboutbeverages]

Beverage podcasting tonight at 6:30pm est! We've got Matcha Green Tea, Moonraker Brewing Imperial Nitro Stout and a very special rye whiskey. The bottle below is one I've been looking for since I had it a few years ago. Will the past match the present? twitch.tv/aboutbeverages

[celepeace]

Idk if I'm living in an alternate universe or what but I swear the refrain of "buying processed foods is more expensive for less work but buying ingredients is cheaper for a whole lot more food" has literally never been true. Like idk what the deal is at your guys' grocery stores but buying ingredients has always been pretty much the same price as buying pre-made foods, even before the massive price hikes and inflation in the past few years. When I make homecooked meals, the price at the register for all my ingredients is always like $20-30 (sometimes more depending on if I'm buying stuff like a filet or expensive fish but those are special occasions so they don't rly count). Buying an equivalent amount of premade food would cost roughly the same.

Like maybe it is true if you're specifically calculating the cheapest ingredients for the most nutritional value and total volume, but just cooking normal recipes like soup and beef stroganoff and tacos and fried rice for me, the price is by no means low. I'm lucky in that I don't have to worry about how much my food costs but if I did I don't think cooking at home would really save me any money unless all I ate was like, beans and pasta.

[vvitchy]

should i go to the US with my friend today y/n

[sculkapologist]

Was suddenly possessed with the desire for a lil set of profiles for everyone in the Corrupted World minecraft AU!! you can probably tell by their names that these guys started life in the Bendy fandom, but then we got really carried away with MINECRAFT LORE...

the Basic Premise of Corrupted World AU is that when a bit of code gets corrupted, or degrades over time, the world replaces that code with something similar -- a corrupted bit of grassland will be overwritten by the code of nearby grassland. This works fine for most things, but there's nothing else like a Player in the world of Minecraft.................... these little bits of encroaching mob data have been mostly benign, until Joey's curiosity stretches the world to its limits, and the world's corruption becomes more aggressive.

Some basic notes on everyone under the cut!

Jack is an old player whose code changed so slowly that he honestly can't remember a time when he wasn't a little sheepy. A peaceful, friendly guy who loves to explore and makes contacts wherever he goes -- moving from village to village, build to build, to bring items he's found in his travels to trade and sell, sounding his own broken goat horn to announce his wares. Thanks to Jack, the world's far-flung players might be able to start to connect again...

(design by Mochi and Shazz, character by Mochi)

Sammy is a grumpy and strangely cautious player who keeps to himself ever since he escaped from an Ancient City..... changed. He was once an adventurous builder with an exacting sense of aesthetics, but now he's just trying to survive quietly with his sheep. Afflicted with painfully sensitive hearing and infected with sculk, he hides in an underground, wool-insulated home out in the hills and lives the most pacifist life he can manage, avoiding any death that could spread the sculk in his body.

(design and character by Shazz (me!))

Henry was always driven to look out for others, and when he died defending a village from attack, the grateful villagers helped to revive him the only way they knew how. He kind of wishes they'd just let him respawn... not realising some glitching armour had scrambled his health too badly to come back normally. In any case, Henry's gotten attached to the village... becoming more protective of the people there... almost unwilling to leave.

(design by Maf and Shazz, character by Maf)

A bit of a loner with a strange sense of humour, Norman often lingered near the ocean and didn't notice the little changes like not needing air when his water-breathing potions should've run out... until the corruption of his code made it sort of impossible for him to return to land. That's alright; he's perfectly happy to hassle the others when they wander into his territory.

(design by Shazz and Boo, character by Thren)

Wickedly clever with a knack for experimentation, Susie was left stranded in the Nether a long time ago and was determined to thrive even in that hellish domain -- and thrive she did. Now she's gotten a bit of reputation even on the Overworld, both for a mastery of potions and magic, and a cruel willingness to take what she wants.

(design by Boo and Thren, character by Thren)

Ever since Joey defeated the Ender Dragon and heard that conversation between two mysterious voices, he hasn't been able to let go of the idea that there is something more beyond this world of blocks and code -- but this charismatic dreamer has been prying at the world's secrets well before that. He convinced Susie to join him as the first to explore the Nether, talked Sammy into delving into an Ancient City with him, and tried to get Henry to join him in his quest for the End, gifting him code-modified armour that was better than anything his old friend could get. For some reason, though, they all lost contact, and Joey found himself alone in the End, where more code experiments in a land where only one mob is really prevalent had... an effect on him....

(design and character by Boo)

Pete isn't a player at all, he's a villager... but one day he found himself outside of his village, suddenly realised how big the world is, and couldn't resist the urge to explore. He's close with Jack, and has joined up with him on some expeditions to aid his own work as a cartographer. Without the ability to respawn, though, it's significantly more dangerous for him, and the two of them MAY have poked into some evoker magic looking for an alternative...

(design and character by Thren and Mochi)

Linda is deeply interested in the world's history, curious what sort of people or ancient players must've once populated the ruins, and she's also an experienced crafter with a penchant for metalworking. While the world of Minecraft has no real concept of monogamous relationships, she's settled with Henry as her one-and-only... which works out now that he's partially made of metal. Linda hadn't experienced any code corruption until data replacement became more aggressive, and it's still subtle for now. But it's handy to be able to touch things that are burning hot without taking damage!

(design by Shazz, character by Thren and Maf)

Fixing Sammy should be easy enough, Joey thought. Some of his data was corrupted by sculk -- if they can find that lost data in the code somewhere, it just needs to be reintegrated with Sammy. Attach it to an eye of ender, replace one of Sammy's eyes with the eye of ender -- simple! A complete Sammy! ...the lost data itself had other ideas. This strange construct that collected around the eye Joey provided is a mix of Sammy's lost data, garbled junk data, and -- he claims -- the remnants of an Ancient Player from the days when end cities were populated, before everything went so wrong and Minecraft's world became so lonely. His speech is glitchy and garbled, struggling to describe a Game and Code and a True Player that he believes must reset a world that has been "running too long." In lieu of a username, this apocalyptic anomaly goes by "the Prophet".

(design and character by Shazz)

[hauntingblue]

Today I dreamed that I was in a ship with Anne and Eleanor and Anne got killed by her and I went insane with grief ajdjaksjk

[chukys-mouthguard]

what are the odds? | part 3

matt rempe x female reader; featuring numerous side characters

social media au!

part 2

your.name.here

liked by alleyrempe, mattrempe, addison.clark and 319,300 others

your.name.here checked my pulse and my hearts still beating

alleyrempe we love a trader joe’s girl

-> your.name.here weekly trips thanks to the giant who eats everything in my apartment 🥲🫶🏼

-> alleyrempe haha he’s your responsibility now 🫶🏼

liked by your.name.here

user29484 oh my god soft launch?!

-> user98356 he’s not tagged though…

-> user31854 you’re telling me you don’t recognize the giant that is matt rempe?

liked by your.name.here and alleyrempe

mattrempe can i still give you CPR though?

this comment had been deleted by mattrempe

mattrempe damn, that’s one lucky guy

-> your.name.here the luckiest 🥰

liked by mattrempe

user85294 okay but the note on the flowers 🥹🫶🏼

liked by your.name.here

-> user20402 where can i find a matt rempe??

liked by your.name.here

-> user30589 okay but we still don’t know that it’s him, let’s not get our hopes up

addison.clark okay but when can we get you fitted for a jacket? 👀

-> francesca.kreider it’s quite literally been made for weeks 🙊

liked by your.name.here

-> your.name.here ask him if I’m allowed to wear his number yet 🤪

-> mattrempe he told me yes, you can wear it

liked by your.name.here

user30285 they are literally talking about getting her a jacket! It’s for sure rempe and it’s definitely serious! 😭

-> user39587 it seems obvious but they are really trying to keep this lowkey

mattrempe

liked by alleyrempe, tybauer_, your.name.here, and 300,012 others

mattrempe life is good, i can’t complain

tybauer_ working hard or hardly working over there bud?

-> mattrempe let’s not bring up our sparring session ty 👊🏼

-> tybauer_ lucky punch 🙄

user20485 now rempe with the soft launch 😭

-> user07493 she is barely even in the photos, if she’s even in them

-> user22845 they are not tagging each other at all so we have no clue

alleyrempe ice cream definitely isn’t in your meal plan, I’m telling

-> mattrempe it was frozen yogurt goon, relax

-> your.name.here i had to force him to get the froyo, he almost broke his diet 🤦🏼‍♀️

-> mattrempe i really need instagram to incorporate a dislike feature for all the comments where you two gang up on me 🥲

-> alleyrempe 🫶🏼

-> your.name.here 🫶🏼

user50385 well she just outed herself as at least being in the ice cream photo

-> user30589 i don’t think she cares about being outed, maybe they are just causal or want privacy?

-> addison.clark impatiently waiting for double dates with you two 🙄

-> your.name.here you know he and k’andre would high jack that date real quick 😂

your.name.here you’re looking really happy lately 😊

-> mattrempe I’ve got a pretty great girl, she makes it easy to be happy

liked by your.name.here

-> tybauer_ get a room love birds 🤮

this comment has been deleted by mattrempe

user20559 did ty just out them??? 👀

-> user20489 wait where?!

-> user20559 omg his comment got deleted!! Very sus

-> user20559 not matt deleting ty’s comment to try and keep this a secret when everyone knows 😂

liked by tybauer_

[lesbian-cowpoke]

Some Kansan things I think Clark and the other supers from Kansas would say or do, by a Kansan:

Yee Yee: an exclamation said before one does something exciting, such as hunting, fishing, or shotgunning

Ope let me squeeze right on past ya there, sorry

Yeehaw: definitely said while flying around.

Have overly weird "salads". I don't even know how or why they are classified as salads, but that's what we call them. (Smth like lime jello salad)

Clark as a teen has definitely tried weed. There is jack fucking shit to do in KS but fight and do drugs (in gas station parking lots). That's how he knows drugs don't work on him. He tried them.

Aldis.

Brooding in fields.

Trader Joe's!

They all know way too much about different types of grass. Just going to school in Kansas does that to ya.

*grabs wild animal* this here is a friendly lil guy, innhe? *animal is biting, hissing, and spitting*

Yes to the overly politeness, even if they don't like someone. But if they don't like someone, it's passive aggressive. So, so passive aggressive.

That's all I can think of for now. There are probably more.

[oncasette]

just a lil request for Phil Wenneck… car sex? 🫶🏽

𝗜’𝗗 𝗚𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗨𝗣 𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗢 𝗧𝗢𝗨𝗖𝗛 𝗬𝗢𝗨

phil wenneck x wife!reader

summary: 1.4k.

The two of you are barely twenty minutes into your drive–that is, apparently, only an hour and a half according to your husband–when Phil starts getting handsy. You’re back in one of those little sundresses he adores so much, seat pushed back as far as it can go, feet crossed and perched up on the dashboard. 

or the one where phil fucks his wife on a deserted back road.

warnings: smut, piv, car sex, (almost) reckless driving, unprotected sex

masterlist | taglist

Phil wouldn’t admit it to anyone–not even to you, most days–but he was a sucker for the domestic scene. It was such a guilty pleasure, seeing you in those pretty little sundresses while you made lunch in the kitchen. Bare feet against the linoleum of your mudroom as you fold the laundry. Watching you brush your teeth on your side of the jack and jill sinks in your bathroom in one of his old t-shirts from college. 

It leaves his brain a little hazy, a little numb. Clouds his judgment and his rational thought until he’s sliding up behind you while you make breakfast, arms linked around your middle as he presses barely there kisses to the seam of your shoulder. 

“You got any plans today?” he asks, moving the neckline of the shirt you’d stolen with the tip of his nose and humming against the bare skin he finds there. 

“No,” you say. “Unless you count lounging around here.”

“Good,” he says. “Because we’re going on a trip.”

The palms of his hands are splayed wide against your hips, beneath the hemline of the shirt and skimming the thin edge of the panties you were wearing. 

“Phil-” He hushes you, quickly, kissing the spot below your ear. “I’ve already got you a bag packed.”

“We can’t just go,” you scoff, smiling. 

“Why not? C’mon, baby, I’ve already got you a bag packed and everything,” he says. His voice is low and gravely, chest rumbling against your back. “Let me spend some time with my beautiful wife, hm?”

“Y-yeah.” The words come out as a stutter, slipping down your tongue as Phil nips at your pulse point and molds you into putty in his palms. “Yeah, let’s go somewhere.” 

“There’s my good girl,” he says and you huff out of your nose at the loss of contact from his lips. 

He pulls away to give you time to finish cooking the food you were no longer interested in and stalks back up the stairs to grab your bags. 

The two of you are barely twenty minutes into your drive–that is, apparently, only an hour and a half according to your husband–when Phil starts getting handsy. You’re back in one of those little sundresses he adores so much, seat pushed back as far as it can go, feet crossed and perched up on the dashboard. 

He’d left you alone to get ready. He’d loaded up the car, tossing the single bag stuffed full of both of your clothes into the trunk and the trader joe’s bag of snacks into the back seat, leaving you alone in the bedroom to dress as you pleased. 

Needless to say, Phil was more than shocked when his fingers pushed up the pale yellow fabric of your dress and found nothing but more of your soft, bare skin when he’d expected the delicate cotton of your underwear again. 

“Jesus Christ, baby,” he scoffs as he takes his gaze off the road to turn toward you with wide eyes. 

“Eyes on the road, handsome,” you say, tapping his cheek delicately with the hand closest to him. 

“I can’t believe you’re not wearing panties right now.”

You hum in response, bringing your hand down to fiddle with his fingers from where they’re still resting on your leg. It’s like your touch brings him back to the surface, the drag of his hand resuming as he moves closer to the slick between your thighs. 

“Holy fuck,” Phil groans as you guide his hand, coating his fingers in your arousal. “You’re so wet for me, baby.” 

The tip of his middle finger has just barely pressed itself into your pussy when he pulls his hand away entirely, leaving you with a whine caught at the base of your throat. You watch him white knuckle the steering wheel and flick on the turn signal. 

“Phil?”

“Yeah, baby?” He checks the mirrors before abruptly changing lanes. 

“What are you doing?” you ask. 

“Getting off the interstate so I can find a back road… or something,” he says. His jaw clenches so tight you think you can hear his teeth grinding. 

“Phil,” you sigh as you adjust in your seat, leaning toward him over the middle console to slide a hand across the denim of his pants. Your eyes roll back in your head as you think about how delicious it would feel against your clit, thighs clenching as your hand finds the bulge in his jeans. 

“Fucking christ. Give me five minutes…” he sighs. “Two minutes.” 

You palm his cock, heat emanating through the fabric. He’s finally reached an exit, the three minutes that had passed in the midst of the exchange feeling more like twenty as Phil holds your wrist to keep your movements at bay. The two of you are lucky enough to have gotten off at a fairly deserted spot. A decently dense swath of trees surround the parts of the street not taken up by fast food places and gas stations and it only takes you a couple minutes to find a side street to pull off into. 

It feels like the car is thrown into park before the wheels stop rolling. Your seatbelt is unbuckled for you, hands landing on your hips to pull you over the center console until your knees are framing his legs and he’s looking up at you through hazy eyes. His hands are still on your hips, grip strong as he tugs you down fully onto his lap. 

“You’re a fucking tease, you know that?” he asks. He grinds you down, rolling your hips against his until there’s a wet spot in the denim. You were right, too. The way the fabric catches your clit with each drag has drool pooling beneath your tongue. 

“Want your cock, Phil,” you whimper. You lean forward, forehead pressed against his until you’re basically swapping air. 

“You think you deserve it?” he asks before spitting out “no panties” under his breath. 

“Want it so bad, please,” you whine. Your cunt is practically weeping over him, clenching around nothing. You reach between the two of you to paw at his belt. The buckle is bulky between your fingers and it takes you multiple tries to undo it. He lets you handle it, only pitching in to lift his hips to get his boxers and pants down just enough to slip his cock out. 

He pulses in your grasp, dick jumping as you swipe your thumb over the slit to spread the thick beads of his pre-cum over the head. He’s so thick your thumb just barely meets your index finger when fully wrapped around. 

You inhale sharply through your nose as you line him up. 

“You always feel so-” Phil groans. “Perfect wrapped around me.” 

You slide down his length slowly, allowing yourself to soak up the feeling of him stretching you out–despite the fact that you’d fucked the night before–until he’s fully seated inside of you. Until you’re rolling your hips into the coarse patch of pubic hair that meets your clit. 

He leans forward to connect your lips, drowning out the sound of your moans as he licks into your mouth. One of his hands comes up to cradle the back of your head as you lift your hips to start bouncing on him. He didn’t want a repeat of the last time you’d fucked in his car. He’d had to kiss you silly to keep you from feeling the dull throb in the back of your head. 

His other hand guides your movements, allowing you to pull up off him slowly only to slam you down on him so hard he nearly has you seeing stars. 

“God,” he exhales. You can already feel him twitching inside you. 

“I’m so close.”

“Me, too, baby. Hm,  haven’t cum this fast since I was a fucking teenager,” he says. It only takes the feel of you clamping down around him once to send his hips shooting up into you, cum spurting out of him in thick ropes that have your walls fluttering around him. 

You cum around him with a constant chant of oh my god. 

The two of you sit in the silence of your orgasms for the next couple minutes, giving Phil enough time to regain coherent thought as the mixture of both of you cum seeps out around his dick. 

“You know, I was gonna fuck you when we got there, but…” Phil’s lament is cut off with a half-hearted slap to the chest. 

[keeksandgigz]

thinking of eddie helping you braid your hair when you’re getting ready to spend the night

made this about eddie and witchy because i cannot stop thinking about them- this is also for the anon who said they can't stop reading it (thank u hehehe)

fluffy fluff below the cut, witchy being jealous and thinking of hexing his exes <3

He had to drag you into his apartment.

In a hilarious turn of events, due to some kind of San Francisco strike, all metro routes were suspended and there was no way you were going to walk in heeled boots all the way to Twin Peaks.

"Why call an Uber, baby? You can literally come upstairs at mine" Eddie says, watching you huff as you read over the e-mail about the strike.

"No Eddie you don't understand. I need to be home. I have a whole ritual! And silk pillowcases! Why can't you just drive me?" you whine, hoping he'll fold to your requests like he always does.

He grabs you by the shoulders, giving you a tender look.

"Because, my lovely witchy, metro routes being down means there will be absolute pandemonium in the streets. And I'm not trying to stay fifteen minutes stuck in downhill traffic" he laughs as you follow him around the store.

He's still working, you got off an hour before and after walking around the vintage stores for an hour there wasn't much else to do. It's just him in the record shop, working the closing shift. You follow him around trying to convince him to drive you back as he puts back the vinyls in the milk crates, folds band t- shirts, and rearranges patches in the display case.

"C'mon, witchy, just go up. I have Chinese takeout from last night or spaghetti if you wanna cook, I'll stop by the hair place across the block to get you a silk pillowcase. Promise" he says, leaning over the counter to kiss your forehead he opens up the cash till.

"But Ed-" you whine, you've never slept outside of your apartment before.

"No buts, I'm sorry witchy. Now get your cute butt out of here, I've got money out" he says, puckering his lips, ready for a kiss.

You lean over the counter and give him a quick kiss before he hands you the keys to his apartment.

"Don't forget to call Lorraine to get her to feed Circe!" he exclaims before you're out the door. You roll your eyes, of course you'll call Lorraine, your neighbor, if Lorraine existed.

But he doesn't have to know you can feed Circe with a snap of your finger whenever you forget to leave food out in the morning.

So you groan and you go through the backdoor of the store to reach the small, dingy courtyard of his apartment. Second floor, apartment 5C.

This building is so old it doesn't even have an elevator. You reach the door and open it, the rattle of keys falling over the counter is the only sound that can be heard, along with the clack of the short heels of your boots.

You take your shoes off and go through his fridge. Day- old Chinese takeout, a carton of eggs and milk. Three cans of Sierra Nevada, a half- drunk bottle of Coke Zero. You open his freezer.

Honey walnut shrimp and fried rice from Trader Joe's, a bottle of vodka, and a tub of ice cream from the last time you were craving it.

You roll your eyes and pick up the phone.

"Hey Ed, you have jack shit in your fridge. Can you stop by the Greek place down the block? I’ll have a gyro with chicken and falafel on the side” you request, hearing his groan at another chore he has to do post closing.

“Baby the Chinese food in the fridge is pretty good, it’s from the place we always go to” he’s not very convincing, but he’s tired and now lost count of the cash he was counting.

“‘kay i’ll put an online order for it so you just have to go pick it up, sound good?” you ignore him.

“Ugh fine but I better get, like, the biggest kiss in return.“ he groans, but it’s true. He is a weak, weak man when it comes to you. “Get me the pita wrap with lamb and fries, and lemme also get seasoned fries on the side. Thank you witchy, love you gotta go” he says, hanging up the phone.

So you order the food and then sneak in Eddie's bedroom to change into something comfortable. Getting rid of that fine line when clothes felt too much like clothes, the stitching pressing into your skin, the cuffs of your sweater feeling a bit too tight against your wrists, your jeans too tight on your legs.

So you venture in his closet and steal a pair of sweats and a ratty black t- shirt. One of his many. You go to the bathroom and notice there's no mirror. This dude.

So you tie your hair away from your face and use the nice face wash you got him- which you're sure he rarely uses- and wipe the makeup off your face. You go look for a clean towel, 'cause God knows you will not be wiping your face with the hand towel sitting on the rod on the wall.

After your face is clean you plop yourself on the couch and watch TV to pass the time.

Thirty- odd minutes later a rattling of keys startles you. Eddie walks through the door with his arms full of plastic bags. He places them on the counter.

"Hey witchy, I see you've made yourself at home?" he says, as you walk towards him and bury yourself in his arms. At least he smelled nice.

"Hmmm missed you, Ed" you mutter against the fabric of his t- shirt.

"You missed me?" you give a little nod, followed by a hum. His heart beats a bit faster, it's nice knowing you think of him when he's away.

"Aw, witchy. I missed you too, are you hungry?" he says, giving you a sweet kiss on the head as he detaches from your grip and reaches for the bag with the food, taking out the boxes.

"Also stopped by the hair place, got you that silk pillowcase and some shampoo and conditioner to keep here. Doubt you'll wanna use my three in one shit" he snickers, and you blush timidly. He's not sweet in the way that he'll kiss you in the middle of the street, but he is for sure sweet in the way he thinks about you an embarrassing amount of times a day.

"Thanks Ed, you didn't have to do that" you say, and he blushes, the boy tinges himself pink because you appreciate him.

"Y'know, anything for you" he says, giving you a kiss on the forehead as he brings the takeout boxes to the coffee table.

You follow him and plop down on the couch "I was watching 'Sex and the City' while you were gone" you explain, biting into your gyro.

"Was Samantha being her usual crazy self?" he doesn't even know who Samantha is, but he thinks it's funny to ask you every time. You giggle as he puts on a random show for you to watch.

After an episode Eddie stands up and stretches.

"I'm beat, I think it's time for bed" he says "c'mon, witchy"

You rise from the couch and follow him into the master bathroom.

“I have a toothbrush here for you, I kinda uh-“ from his tone you can tell he’s embarrassed “I got one for here the first time you came over, in case you ever, y’know, wanted to sleep over” he says sheepishly, while you wrap your arms around him.

He offers it to you, it’s pink. Your favorite color.

“Aw, Ed. You’re so sweet, thank you” you say and you swear you can see him blush as you place a delicate kiss on his warming cheek.

This slice of domesticity taken away from the mystic vibe of your apartment really makes you wonder. It makes you think about a normal life, with him.

The way he washes his face like a madman (without face wash), letting the water wet his bangs instead of pulling his hair back, the way he ties his hair up before brushing his teeth.

You take the toothbrush out of your mouth "Ah shtill don' undestand why you don' have a mirrah" you sputter, mouth full as you spit the toothpaste in the sink.

"Why I don't have a mirror? Previous tenant broke it and my asshole landlord still won't fix it" he says, taking off his shirt. Your eyes linger on the lines of his back a little too long, bordering the line between looking and staring.

So you turn around and you try to braid your hair without a mirror, but to no avail, every strand seems to be three different sizes.

You groan in frustration as Eddie approaches you.

"Lemme help, witchy" he says, standing behind you and tending an arm out for a hair tie.

He divides the hair into three strands. Your hair is so soft between his fingers.

He wishes he could stall so that he could caress it for longer, but an impatient yawn escapes your mouth as his hands deftly get to work. Over, under, over, under-

"Where did you learn to braid hair?" you ask, feeling the way he softly holds each strand, making sure he's not pulling at your scalp. You don't see him, but a smile forms around his tongue, peeking out of his lips in concentration. Over, under.

"I had girlfriends before you, witchy. They taught me to braid my own hair" he chuckles, as you try to tune out the word girlfriends. Under, over, under.

He can see a pout form on your lips, he smiles.

"Why'd you need to braid your hair?" you huff, thinking of going on a spiraling rampage and hexing every one of his exes. Over.

"Well" he begins "one time, an ex braided my hair and it came out super curly, so I wanted to try it myself. Turns out it needs to stay in the braid for a while for that to happen" he shrugs.

Under, over, tie.

"All done," he announces, placing a kiss on the crown of your head.

"Thanks, Ed" you examine the braid, flinging it over your shoulder "looks really nice" you say, and give him a small kiss at the corner of his mouth.

He gets himself into bed. His bed is oddly comfortable and his sheets smell of laundry detergent.

"I might have been washing my sheets every other day in case you wanted to sleep over" he confesses, blushing, as he lifts his arm, opening the warmth of his chest to you.

"You" you give him a kiss "are literally" another kiss "the sweetest guy" another kiss "in the history of always" last kiss.

He gets flustered when you call him sweet, because under the hardening exterior of black chains and shirts with exploding heads and hooded skeletal figures, there's just a sweet guy who loves you and wants you to like him for being himself.

"Just want you to, you know, have a good experience with me" he says, caressing your head.

"You get an 11/10 Yelp rating, can't recommend to anyone, though. You seem to be preoccupied with a really cool girl, and it seems it's going to go on forever" you giggle, as he smiles and gives you a kiss.

"Go to sleep, cool girl. Goodnight, love you" he says, before turning off his lights.

"Goodnight, Ed" you say, turning over so he can spoon you.

"You have to say it back" he whispers in the quiet of the dark room.

"Right, sorry. I love you too, Ed" you correct yourself and close your eyes, falling into one of the best sleeps you've ever had in your life.

The morning after, Eddie wakes up to his landlord bringing in a new mirror, his hair extra curled and all his exes blocked on his social media. But he doesn't have to know about that last one.